Hostage/Trapped?

 

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Hostage/Trapped? 

    Has anybody felt like there was no-one listening even through your screaming and pounding at the walls?  

    Of course, someone would if you were doing that in real life, but, I'm talking metaphorically. 

Have you felt trapped or held hostage in your own mind? 

    I have. There was a time back in Junior High, that I'm sure everybody thought "Ugh, Ohana's here" or probably said, "Oh no, SHE's in our class?" Astonishing right? Ha! 

    I got a lot of bullcrap back then. I was criticized, mocked at, bullied. *This is hard to talk about, but here I go.*  But I knew that those who hurt others are probably being hurt themselves. So I held my head high and kept smiling. 

    But, by the time I got home, I let all out, I hated that I wasn't popular and not the most liked. I cried, and I cried, and cried, Junior High was harsh. And the worst part is, I brought all the hate I was getting from school, onto the people I cared about most. My mom, my dad, and most of all my sister. 

    Man, was I not a great person at home. 

    Anyway, I felt weak, and scared, and most of all ANGRY. I felt like nobody liked me and nobody cared about me. 

    I was held hostage in my own mind. The worst criticism is what you say to yourself. And man did I do that!

    Horrible right? How could I let me do that to myself? 

    Well I did, we all criticize ourselves in different ways, the way our bodies look like and if we're the best at something and etc. But all that criticism starts building up and ends you up trapped and held hostage to that criticism. 

    When I started this blog, I knew there would be people that would take advantage of my flaws to cover up their own, but, I hope there are some that see that it's okay to break free. That its okay to be different. That its okay to LET GO, like what I've said in the Post: Why I Can't. 

    Well, today I got messages from people telling me about what they liked about my blog, but one stood out. They of course will stay anonymous, cause I don't have their permission to say their name. But I'll keep this vague anyway. 

    They said that they were sorry. Sorry for the behalf of their friends, and the way they treated me back in junior high, and that if they could go back and change that. They 100% would. They took the first step out of the dark, and I told them, that you can't change the past, but, you can change the future. And I pray and hope that they will. I hope they succeed in fighting the chains that bind us. But, trust me, your not the only one fighting, and I promise I'm fighting against these chains that bind me right beside you. 

No matter how many rocks you try to bury me with, one by one I'll make my way back up. Through all the sweat, blood, and tears.

    I'm rooting for you...

    Going Offline, 

SiCi💙